did you get engaged???
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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