god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
