I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
