I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
