Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
