either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
