No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
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He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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