So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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