Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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