the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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