no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
