Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
