Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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