We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
