I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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