no, he came in my armpit
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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