My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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