I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
