I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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