You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
