my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
