I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
