i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
