i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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