dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Someone came in the potted fern
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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