Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My cat gives me a boner
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
