Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
