a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
third nipple confirmed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
