ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
