I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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