He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
