She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I want is dick and wine.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
