ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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