You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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