i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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