you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
