you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
