I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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