Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
