If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
