with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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