I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she peed on how many people?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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