I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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