we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
