Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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