Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
