Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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