It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
