i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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