i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
