I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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