I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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