there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
