you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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