do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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