His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
