I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
