The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is my gift to your gina
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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