I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think i have two assholes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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