just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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