just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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