you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
