i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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