Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
