he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
