When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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