I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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